she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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