I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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