Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize