In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
