So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
