I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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