someone owes me an orgasm
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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