I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
