More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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