Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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