i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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