I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize