When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
