this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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