Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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