i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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