did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
