my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I just sharted jello shots
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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