I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
