bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
