the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
