I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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