Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
