Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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