Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
