The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
