I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize