I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
