I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
