if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
