shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
