I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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