make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
