they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to fling myself into the sun
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
