Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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