At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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