you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
