Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
