my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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