can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
