yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
