i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
