my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
