Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
