saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize