the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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