i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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