It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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