Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There's even glitter on my cock...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
