no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
