I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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