no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
