Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
