Cold hands, warm shart.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
