I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
pray to the hookup gods
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