I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
