We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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