I can text with my tongue
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
