I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize