clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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