Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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