So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
