Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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