shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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