Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
