meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
