You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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