Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this hospital has no fireball
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
