who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
