Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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