I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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