Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
