It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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