smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i think my cat just said my name.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
